It's ok to say "No!"

Originally posted on Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Saying “no” can be just as hard as asking for help. Knowing that as a new mom we’ll need to set some boundaries might cross our minds but until it comes down to it, we can be really good at being nice at our own expense. Family and friends that just can’t wait to see new baby come with enthusiasm and usually focus on babe. When this happened with our first a few things crossed my mind.... 1. I should really be a good hostess and have tea and snacks ready when they arrive 2. I sure hope my house looks clean enough for company 3. Have I brushed my teeth yet? ... then I thought about how silly it was to think that my guests would be expecting a picture perfect 1950’s housewife to open the door with the smell of fresh baking wafting through the air, baby contently cooing in the bassinet, to a spotless house. This is also when I thought that saying ‘no’ to well meaning guests was best. Baby was brand new, we were still getting to know each other, no one in our house was getting a humane amount of sleep and now was not the time to be entertaining guests. We needed to enjoy our ‘babymoon’ and to protect our precious first few weeks together.
As a birth doula I often ask parents to consider who they would like to visit after their birth and when they want visitors to come - if any. If you are tired and worn out (you’ve just birthed a baby - that’s equivalent to running a marathon) you’ll want to rest and take some time to yourself. Having your partner protect your precious space can be helpful so you’re not doing more than you have to. This extends for many months postpartum, if you need rest and just can’t have play-date at your house this week it’s ok to say no. Most of your new parent friends will get it, most of them have been there themselves. Don’t worry about being selfish, think of it as being self-loving. You’re doing a huge amount of work as a new mom and deserve a little rest and relaxation!