Changing Family Dynamics

Originally posted on Friday, August 3, 2012

Changing from a family of two to a family of three was the biggest adjustment of ours lives to date. And now we are about to add another baby to the mix . . . near the end of the month we will be a family of four. As excited as we are we are very aware that our needs will change, each one of us as an individual will be going through an adjustment of our own and will need each other to help make it through. I have been basking in the quiet time Bean and I share, usually after her nap when she wants to snuggle in with me and have “more bitty in the big bed mama”. I know this little routine will change and hopefully it will become a time when Bean and baby can both snuggle in with me. 
Thinking of the changes ahead I am reminded of when Bean came into our lives and the huge adjustment our relationship went through. After our families had gone home and we were on our own it took a long time for us to adjust. Not realizing/admitting that I was feeling completely overwhelmed (I’d been around babies my whole life, why was this so much harder?!) I started to envy my husband when he left for work. It didn’t seem fair that I had to wait until he got home to eat with two hands or take a shower, and how was I supposed to go to the bathroom without him there to take Bean?! Wow, thinking back on these things now I am shaking my head - “put Bean down in a safe place and take a ten minute shower” is just one of the things I would say to that scared new mom. 
Our marriage has been tested, in my darkest moments with postpartum depression I was so incredibly mean to the man I adore and love, I am grateful that he has such broad shoulders and such a huge heart. It wasn’t until I finally got over the shame of admitting that I had ppd that we were able to make sense of my wild moods and deal with things together. We still need a reminder now and then but having been through ppd we feel so much more prepared and aware this time around, not to mention so much stronger as a unit. Yes, our family dynamic will change again but this time we are ready for the change, really ready. Thanks to our 6 second kiss a day (something I saw online that we are implementing into our day) our connection is becoming sturdier everyday. 
My hope is that other new moms are able to share with their partners that it can be a real struggle some days. I know that there are days when you need a little extra TLC, even if it’s just a hug when you feel like crumbling. One of the many goals of our group is to support new moms who feel that they can’t share their feelings with their partners. The right support can make a world of difference and we are offering a non-judgmental safe place for new moms to share these feelings. I can’t say this enough . . . IT WILL GET BETTER